A Gentle Art of Transformation

A Gentle Art of Transformation:  Being with ‘What Is’
May 23, 2014

Amari Gold

This morning’s episode of ‘what is’ showed up in the form of fear.  It had a particular tenor that was faintly familiar to me.  I say ‘faintly’ because, although I have experienced this feeling millions of times throughout my life, it has always been the kind of thing that screams “your life is in danger”!!  My habitual response has been to immediately turn and run for my life, bypassing any opportunity to actually learn something.

This time, recognizing my desire to be neutral to this experience of fear in my body/mind, I committed to allow myself to be present without modifying, justifying or judging whatever needed or wanted to express. 

I first noticed a discernible pulse/vibration in my belly/solar plexus that sounds a little like the buzzing of bees. This vibration, representing extreme fear lodged in my belly, is likely to have a profound influence on my gastro-intestinal dysfunction.  Is it because I translated the sound/vibration to mean danger?  Does something like the sound of bees put my life in danger?

Maybe 10,000 years ago it did.  Maybe the sting from the wasp when I was 5 years old contributed to its meaning.  Or maybe it was the yellow jacket that I stepped on while it was simultaneously licking the honey off of a piece of broken glass.

With further exploration I heard a more precise definition of its purpose: to inform me of the possibility that my choices today could be construed as unfavorable to the minds of the folks whose home and pets I am caring for.

This inner dialogue contributing to my well-being from the depths of my unconscious mind has likely taken form from a combination of many memories of fearful experiences in this and other lifetimes.

Through this exploration of what was happening in current time, I was able to recognize the true jailer.  The risk of rejection, of being thought to be wrong, incapable, or unworthy, the potential for conflict coupled with my inability/unwillingness to stand up for myself, along with my conditioning to think myself always in danger of making poor or wrong choices, is a reference point based in the past having nothing whatsoever to do with what is actually happening in the present moment.  It also represents the epitome of my personal resistance to accepting responsibility for allowing or co-creating a different outcome than the one predicted by a fabricated colony of killer bees.

My understanding of this gentle art of being present to what is truly happening in current time is where our freedom resides. There is nothing further to do.  The union of our consciousness with the moment at hand opens a unique opportunity for a process of transformation to unfold in its own time, whatever that may be.  Until that act of coexistence occurs, the unconscious fearful dialogue or emotion dwells within our personal stockpile of experiences that we have claimed ownership of.  It is universal law that what we take hold of as our own cannot be taken away without our consent, or very good karma.

Hmmmm.  I wonder what other gems I may be hoarding away in my stockpile of resistance?

PostScript:  There was a mountain lion on the property this morning that helped to fuel my sense of fear.  When looking up his totem I found this:

Mountain Lion Spirit Medicine brings the gifts of  Guardian, Bravery, Personal Power, and the energies of Intention, Boundaries, Freedom.

Blessed be.