Falling in Love with my Pain and Sorrow

In recent months, I have been feeling distanced from my experience of deep love and devotion. This feeling of distance has become a source of exploration for me of the process of awakening that is promised at this time of planetary transformation. It is a time that I have long awaited in my earthly journey, the awakening of mankind to a greater reality of love. I have certainly experienced tremendous joy and ecstasy despite the challenges that humanity is currently facing. I have a deep trust in the overriding intelligence of God and the Universe that these outer experiences of death and destruction have a greater context than what we can perceive through the limits of our current consciousness.

These other feelings of despair and apathy are not at all what I have been anticipating, so I am somewhat surprised, uncertain, and to some degree annoyed about their presence in my daily experience, especially in light of the fact that I have, at other times, been feeling more joyful and confident in my abilities as a loving human being than ever before! It seems to me that as the energies of change upon our planet continue to expand and rise in vibrational frequency, so do our opportunities to shift emotions, thoughts, and beliefs of lower vibration into greater awareness of unconditional love. Paradoxically I, like others I know, sometimes feel laden with heavy energies of unpleasantness like anger, jealousy, judgment and deep sorrow.

Walking through the forest this morning I asked Spirit for guidance on transcending these feelings that separate me from knowing my greater heart. I was given a single message to ‘fall in love with my pain and sorrow’.

The wisdom that comes to us from the higher realms is to love all of life unconditionally. It is often easier to experience unconditional love when we find circumstances and the people around us as pleasant and joyful, but most times not so easy when we are facing painful challenges and difficulties. Yet this is precisely the guidance that came to me when I asked for insight about how to transmute the heaviness in my heart. I was told simply to fall in love with it … to love my pain and sorrow unconditionally.

I’m not sure anyone can tell me precisely how to do this. I recognize this process as an inside job. And surely it is better to love than to renounce any feelings that come up. Anything that we surround and hold in love has the greatest potential to evolve to a higher expression. It is the absence of love that limits our development as spiritually awake humans.

When I am gripped by the discomfort of unhappiness, I have a tendency to think of the emotions I am feeling as mine alone. With a broader perspective, I begin to recognize my feelings as drops in a vast sea of similar thoughts and emotions that we share as humans united through the Oneness of all creation. Through this collective sea each of us draws from the benevolent pool of God consciousness to transform our lives into truer expressions of the Divine imperative of unconditional love. Under all circumstances, learning to respond from love is the highest goal for the human spirit.

As I awoke the following morning, I allowed my awareness to settle gently into the wound within my heart that is desperate for a more fulfilling experience of life. What I found there was something like a vast and barren desert, parched and crusty, without even a light breeze to lift the dust into a swirl. At first I was alarmed, stunned to discover that such a condition exists within my primary organ of love and pleasure. It literally took my breath away. What could have occurred to render my heart so sullen and spiritless? What have I overlooked in the stewardship of my own life?

The grief, you know, it can take you in. It can grab a hold of the deepest and most distant corners of your consciousness and wring you out like a damp cloth. I was afraid to go there at first. And then I allowed the tears to come. They wept like a gentle rain moistening a lifeless landscape. Slowly I began to notice that there was movement, and with the movement I realized that I was not feeling quite so infertile. A few clouds appeared in the sky and I could see that a wind was animating their passage ever-so-slightly. Next I felt a sigh, and there was breath.

I do not yet know what my heart will require of me to restore it to a buoyant ocean of splendor, or even if it is possible. I only know that it is mine to do. As I close my eyes images appear impressed upon me by the big screens of movieland and invariant inflection of robotic newscaster rhetoric. The slums and the war zones, the oozing blood and disassembled body parts, the oceans of despair, and I ask myself how much can I take of this depravity?

My friends, we must be diligent in our pursuit of the wisdom of love. It is the only counter-intelligence we have in the presence of senselessness. It takes courage and stamina to love our sorrow. And it allows our hearts to live.

How do I endure the suffering? A letter of consolation

I am so sorry to hear of your experiences, your loss and deep grief. So many of us throughout time have carried incomprehensible burdens. Our Mother planet is certainly very tired of bearing it all.

My dear brothers and sisters, there are no words that can touch the depths of the sorrow that you may be experiencing and witness to. My mind and heart have come to the conclusion that there is no explanation or understanding of these events available within our limited perspective. This leads me to surrender to a greater knowing beyond the limits of my current consciousness. I am therefore committed to stand in service to the greater knowing, the higher perspective that emanates from that which has birthed all of the universe into being and maintains all life forms and consciousness in all domains.

Although we have heard for decades that our earth and its inhabitants would be undergoing a massive transformation, our limited consciousness could not anticipate or prepare for anything like what we are experiencing now. I invite you to rest your weary heart, place it in the cradle of the Divine Mother, relieve yourself as best you can and return to her what is hers to bear. Then pick yourself up again and stand in recognition of the wisdom of the Master Goddess Creatress, and know that her children are safe and cared for despite what our eyes reveal to our limited sight. Ours is not to define the Divine Plan for all of creation, but to be in service to it. Honor the higher spirit of our brothers and sisters of the sea, and of our fellow humans. We are asked to stand together, to unify our hearts, to create a fortress of love that holds and honors the Divine Creatress as whole and holy, that she may be undergoing a purging so great that the dark recesses within humankind will be surrendered once and for all so that all life will be uplifted and all beings may be free from suffering in future days.

I ask you to find a light, and to stand in and with that light, so that you may become a light unto yourself and to others. I and others stand with you there. May Mother Gaia bless you and hold you, and may you be gifted with knowing the gratitude and love of all beings for whom you serve.